The Street Therapist

Charge it to a beautiful mistake

2012-02-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

I’ve always been a person to travel my own way. I don’t like playing follow the leader or participating in any type of activity just because it had the majority vote or it is the new trend that seems to be popular at the time especially if I don’t agree with it. I feel to know me is to love me. I have my own ways of thinking and I have a belief system built around the outcome of my experiences. Now this doesn’t mean that it’s my way or the high way, even though that’s pretty much how it appears on the outside looking in. When it comes to relationships between men and woman I have seen so many changes in society and especially with this younger generation that I don’t necessarily agree with because I still am a hopeless romantic.
I often hear of people say don’t knock something until you try it and on an occasion, out of a temporary moment of frustration, I gave this instant gratification a try and my experience was definitely a beautiful mistake. Of all of my experiences that led me down the road of disappointment and heartbreak, there was always a still small voice ignored. I always knew better and although I didn’t do better, I wanted to experience the joyful moment of temporary bliss and that’s all it was, something wonderful for a short period of time. Was it worth it? Hell No! Am I going to beat myself over the head about the choices I made? Hell no! But what I will do is not make that same mistake again. I just thank God for his mercy and his grace that I’ve made it thus far and I’m still of a sound mind to talk about it.
Now it’s about making the right choices to get better results, my experience has given me the necessary tools to recognize the sheep in the wolves clothing, and the counterfeit amongst the genuine and my eyes don’t fool me. Trust is to be earned not assumed or given after all (real eyes- Realize- Real Lies). Ask yourself, do you really need to try crack cocaine to see if it’s good for you? Do you really need to put your hand in the fire to see if it hurt? Do you really need to jump off of a bridge for the thrill of it knowing damn well if that rope breaks that’s your ass! I’m not saying live in fear, I’m just saying proceed with caution.

What I give I want back

2011-11-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

I have read a lot of articles and books on expectations and most of them say we should lower our expectations because nobody can ever live up to them. I’m a little stuck in trying to grasp the idea that we shouldn’t have any expectations from the person we are married to, dating or involved with. How can you not expect them to give to you what you give to them? I expect to be respected, cherished and admired from the person that claims to love me and vise versa. Maybe I misconstrued what the author was trying to articulate, but I have expectations from the person of interest and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I remember dating this one guy and I couldn’t believe that he told me “If I lowered my expectations of him he would surprise me”. Well let me tell you this, I was very surprised that he had the audacity to think I would fall for that. He wanted me to keep on giving and giving while he made excuses for not giving back. He was one of the most selfish people I have ever met in my life. The cold part about this is he wanted to make it my issue for not succumbing to his requirements of being available, accessible and submissive while he continue giving only what he wanted to give. Bottom line is relationships are definitely a give in take and a woman or a man must really know who they are and what they want so they just don’t settle and put up with not having important needs met. Now I said important needs because nobody can possible meet every need and I have been known to have unrealistic expectations before so I know the difference. I won’t sacrifice my time and energy on someone who is not reciprocating. Like I always say it’s about “fair exchanges no robbery”. I think people should expect the best and give the best because when you don’t, something will always be missing which could lead to chaos in your relationships. Learn how to communicate your needs and pay attention to detail and do your best to give back. Keep an open mind, but never substitute your hearts desire of having the love you want for “This is the best I can do right now”. What I give, I want back!

Do you settle for being disrespected for fear of confrontation?

2011-10-24T14:38:00.001-07:00

I don’t like the feeling of being taken for granted or the feeling of being a doormat for people to walk on. I lived long enough to know when something feels right or wrong. I don’t like the feeling of being uncomfortable and I’m not afraid to confront a person when I feel devalued or disrespected. Sometimes what I see a lot with acquaintances and friends is that they fear confrontation and would much rather put up with unfair behavior to keep the peace. Why would anyone want to risk their happiness and allow someone to have their way with them and continue to manipulate the situation to their advantage? Is your self esteem that low that you would allow such dysfunctional behavior to continue to humiliate you and add more baggage to your life that can take a life time to heal from?

It is very important to recognize the need for personal growth, self esteem and the courage to stand up for yourself when you know someone does not respect who you are as a person. Its very wise to think of your own needs for a chance and be true to yourself. It should be number 1 on your list to be happy because when you have no peace you have no power. If you keep sacrificing self to keep other people satisfied you will end up feeling oppressed and empty with nothing left to give. Can love stem from a place of guilt, rejection and low self esteem? No it can not!

Love stems from a place of knowing who God is and studying his word seeking revelation of your purpose in your life and his purpose is not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future. So I pray as you discover who you are that you will be able to articulate what you want and do not put up with what does not encourage or edify you into becoming your best. Remember you deserve what you get until you feel you deserve better.

Ms Street Therapy

The fact still remains “You’re human”

2011-09-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

There is this false presumption that we should not feel a certain way when things don’t go according to plan or sudden changes that move us in a direction unknown. Regardless of what anybody says people fail to remember humanity. Nobody is beyond feeling a complex set of emotions which puts us in a mood of sadness or discouragement. It’s our ability to exist, cope and handle our shortcomings effectively that gives us credibility.

In my opinion what makes us emotionally stable in our thinking is our belief system about the situation at hand whether we feel rejected, betrayed or somewhat injustice has occurred. Our beliefs about truth are open for discussion and whether right or wrong, it’s irrelevant because we all feel we are right or at least want to be right in our own way of thinking. We can’t change anyone’s perspective to collaborate with our own if they are on a different path or journey that God has prepared for them. What we can do is respect peoples decision to move on even if it no longer requires our friendship or our attendance at the party. We must find the strength to “build a bridge and get over it!!”

Life will go on whether we move on or not, people are not going to stop their lives whether you are happy or miserable and you staying mad will only affect your progress in life. Once you realize “people are human” and will make mistakes often, you will no longer hold them accountable and responsible for your happiness. You can like, love, respect without fear of manipulation or being taken for granted, because now you understand human behavior.

Ms Street Therapy

My list distorted

2011-03-28T19:25:00.001-07:00

I can remember writing a list of qualities in a man that I wanted or desired like looks, height, weight and how much he made, but nothing of substance. As time moved on, I met fine, i met height and money, but all was missing was something that i would eventually discover that was more important than any superficial need and that was a man of character, wisdom, strength, and integrity because these characteristics that I would soon discover that I needed but left me feeling in "Thirst mode".

I guess when I met "Height" He didn't measure up. He came up short in integrity and lack common sense and common courtesy so I wasn't completely satisfied and his height couldn't compensate for the love I felt and desired as a woman getting to know thy self. And here comes fine, yes he looked good on my arm, but I could never get the attention I wanted because he was focused on everything but me you see, when you put a man on a pedal stool he sees everything but you and he could never see me for he was God in his own eyes and I was just the object of his erection not the object of his affection.

So then here comes "Money" he was fun, exciting, but left me hanging many times to myself where i could see that this was not what i wanted either because you can have cars, clothes and all the superficial things but when your heart yearns for whats missing, that void nothing can substitute for the love you need to quench that thirst that you have been seeking for. You see because "Money" has to stay on the grind, he doesn't have time to tend to your needs so he knows he has to pay for your time to make you stay while he is away keeping his game tight because he knows money never sleep at least in his eyes. Money can't comprehend balance because his is overwhelmed with greed and you will never be first.

So what I realized is a man of "Character" is what I needed. They say "Character is who you really are when nobody is watching" I know that in order for me to have a chance I had to be everything that I seek in a partner. Well I have integrity and humility and lets not forget love and respect for God. I have love, respect and a nurturing giving spirit which is all good, but lets not forget what my past has established in in me which was fear because Height, fine and money has dogged me out now i have to get rid of the memory that has stained my heart so i can be prepared for "Character"

When Character comes to play am i ready? Is he ready? Are we both ready to put in the work necessary to make our relationship successful in spite of the odds and statistics? I think so, time will tell and time will reveal all truth. You can't fake real love and commitment because actions speak louder than words and your actions are much greater than your intentions. As I explore this new journey in my life I will discover experience. What else can i expect? No matter how hard you try you have no control over anybody but self and you can't make anybody love or respect you, but what i can do is be the observer of the pursuer, the gate watcher of my heart and the judgement of how much I can tolerate. I can hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst because nobody is perfect. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I can't help but be honest... " It is what it is"!!!.. A possible risk and liability.... It may be messed up, but that's how I see it. Nothing in life is guaranteed...

Street Therapist

Single with child

2011-03-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Its very hard dating in modern times where intimacy is damn near obsolete. With texting, cell phones and emails, it just seems as though we are opting out on how we communicate with each other. Being single with child is no ride in the park either. I say single because I'm not married by choice just as much as by choice i have chosen to have a child out of wedlock and have realized that my choice was not the best choice, but I wouldn't have done much different looking back already being familiar with my child whom i love dearly and wouldn't trade being a mom for nothing in the world. Now choosing a different partner is another story, but I can't continue to live in "The Should of Could of Would of World" now can I?

When I think about dating It can be pretty challenging, its no secret how men and women are choosing casual relationships over true commitment meaning marriage. I guess I can ride that boat if i wanted to, but I choose not to because I feel I deserve much better than a "joy ride". When it comes to dating, my partner must realize what being a mother means to me, again I say "What being a mother means to me" because how I define responsibility and someone else's definition may be two different things.

What I see today is total and complete selfishness, how can one neglect the needs of a child? Being a single parent under 1 household income means what you make an hour, but only get paid twice a month in some cases once a month regardless, your child comes first. Rent, gas, electric, clothes, food, medicine, books and school supplies education, etc are basic needs that a child or children need daily and how you date is based on ones priorities. Who is going to provide for that child while your out with your potential partner and if he understands the need for flexibility and knowing when you can't hang out sometimes then the relationship shouldn't be only about him. My concerns would be does this man understand that YOU being the parent can not be spontaneous? The spontaneous person is for the ones who have no obligation or responsibility to commitment. You see when I had my child by choice, i gave up my option of being carefree because of another life who depends on me. This child of mine who i gave birth to needs my love, attention, time and dedication to her upbringing in a stable environment because I have an obligation. So my question is what women would bring a man into her house that didn't respect her as a "Single parent with child"???

What does this man bring to the table? Is he a taker or a giver?

I see so many women neglecting their kids for the sake of being lonely that they would much rather risk loosing custody of their kids than risk loosing a man who would bring harm to them or their children by taking money from their household like food from their fridge or anything from that "Single Parent with child's household period". Some men prey on women who have kids because they are aware of that woman's need for companionship and they see it as a opportunity to get free meals, sex with no commitment and a second mom who will cater to their needs as if the Single parent needed another mouth to feed. If this man you are dating sounds like a taker, a user, a leech then maybe you need to reevaluate your decision and check your self love meter because if you are being used, you can't possibly be happy and of a sound mind where you are being a responsible parent and your kids are probably being neglected and rejected.

A man should be at least trying to help you with something, even if he doesn't make a lot of money, he should be fixing things around the house, helping you towards groceries, cutting the lawn, taking out the trash, he should be adding to your life not just taking away after all you two are in love right? Just something to think about while dating especially "Single with child"....

Street Therapist

The B.S. Enabler!

2011-02-15T21:21:00.000-08:00

I've been accused of being too hard on men because of my low tolerance for BS in relationships. I have also been accused of being bitter and I was told many times that I must forgive the men from my past that have betrayed me so I can heal and have a healthier relationship in the future and all I can say to that is BAAAAAWAAAAAAAAA!!!! Whew! Dat was funny! What a bunch of Marlarkie!!!

As I said before I am not bitter I'm better because I refuse to be walked on, drug hard and hung wet as if my worth is the value of pocket lint. Yes I have been lied to, cheated on and deceived many times, but with God in my life I know "All things are possible". As I grow in my faith I have realized it was according to Gods plan for my life that I would experience such hardships emotionally and mentally only to survive it all and still be able to have a sense of who I am, what I want from a man, build my confidence and realize that I deserve better.

Everybody knows that they can do badly by themselves and although this is a true statement, why would I try to put a sqaure peg in a round hole? So many women mess themselves up by staying in toxic relationships based on fear and that no matter how hard they try or how many hoops of fire they jump through, no man is going to love you better than you can love yourself. Why should anybody treat you with respect and admiration if you lack these qualities? Insecure women with low self esteem is the best prey for the predator, they seek to manipulate and control the weak minded for their own selfish ways and instant gratification and they are very incapable of love because they themselves can't fathom the idea of loosing control of their emotions.

I can say this over and over again until i'm blue in the face, but unless you get a grip on reality and face your fears of being alone you will always be alone in every relationship you're in because your focus is putting the responsibility on the man making you happy and if he doesn't do what you think he should do, you will never be happy or feel complete. Why give someone so much control over your happiness?

Life it too short and some of us don't have much time to waste on foolish things. Either you get it or you don't. It is your choice to be somebody's doormat for the rest of your life living in lap of misery hooked on hope and stuck in the stupid zone. I can't sit and feel sorry for somebody who complains about their spouse or partner who continues to betray them repeatedly. I don't look at the offender, I'm looking at the person who is allowing the BS to happen. Unless you change your ways of thinking you will always inspire and encourage the men to treat you the way you see yourself. You become the BS Enabler! And for the record, the man I have today loves who I have become...............Better!

The Street Therapist

B.S. MODE

2011-02-15T20:35:00.000-08:00

I am fully aware that everybody is differnt at how we perceive B.S. in our lives and how well we handle B.S. not to mention how well we distribute it too! I understand that some folks don't have time for the B.S. at all nor will they put up with it, so in the process of eliminating the B.S. or deciding if who your are dating is full of B.S. you must maintain a sense of self and be well established in who you are and what you are seeking from your relationship you are currently in.

If the relationship is right and you have peace about it, you may feel somewhat secure and you really don't question if it's B.S. or not because it feels good, but if something is in the back of your mind telling you something is fishy and fear starts to peak its ugly little head that you sense a little B.S. you will most certainly be in B.S. mode with your little B.S. attitude not able to articulate what you feel because because you have nothing to back up the B.S. you know is going on. As that saying goes "Either take a dump or get off the pot"!! In my opinion B.S. Mode is when you know something isn't right , but because you have no proof of the uneasy feeling or the mentality that what "I don't know" can't hurt so you deal with the B.S. waiting for what you fear to become reality as in "Seeing is believing"

I believed sometimes what we fear is our own warning detector that is usually ignored until we have enough evidence that either gives you the courage and confidence to leave your relationship or inspir fear and insecurity that keeps you held captive in a whole bunch of B.S. based on personal issues not confronted or resolved.

Yeah I know nobdoy is perfect and everyone at some point or another can be a B.S. Artist, but the strategy to having victory in the mist of the B.S. is your ability to recognize B.S when you see it meaning "Dont pee on my leg and tell me its raining" or like trying to put a square peg in a round hole".. AS I said before know who you are and what you want and don't substitute your love for temporary B.S. because you feel God is taking to long to bring you your Prince Charming or Halle Berry weellll "News Flash" (He/She does not exist). There is no perfect person.

In speaking for myself I'm not one for the "getting in where I fit in" I'm more like wanting to be "Tolerated and Celebrated" so when it comes to a man in my life, you just can't come in my yard and take a dump for me to clean up with a smile. As a woman I have to protect myself by any means necessary because the heart is very delicate and can break easily. In order for me to stay open on what God has for me which is his perfect will I have to work on being obedient and protect my sexuality by having standards and requirements for dating or else you loose credibility and put yourself in a position for the B.S. Artist to wreck havoc on your emotional and mental state which keep you emotionally unavailable and no good for the next man to come into your life.

The Street Therapist

Build a Bridge and "Get over it"!!!

2010-11-09T22:26:00.001-08:00

The first time I heard that, I was like “OH HELL NO”! No he didn’t just tell me that! How could somebody be so rude, condescending and yet it was true?.. (Damn Gina!) in my Martin Lawrence little voice. And at the point I realized that I was responsible for my own feelings, my actions and how I respond to things. Nobody owes me anything in life and it is up to me how I handle every situation. Sometimes in life we can get so emotional, eternalize and take things personally to a point where it stagnates our growth and knock us off focus where we can default on Gods blessings. It can take a long time to heal, forgive and let go, but the choice is still yours. Whether you choose to let certain misunderstanding of wrong doings or pain from the past which you felt you were wrong by another individual, the fact still remains that “You are responsible for your own happiness”.

From my perspective people are their worst enemy. The weapons that are formed against them sometimes include the words that comes out of their own mouths. The bible does say Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speak and as a man thinketh in their heart so is he.. Have you ever considered the truth that lies in your heart? Are you fully aware that what you choose to focus on will eventually become your reality? Some people fail to realize that what a person chooses to believe may be that negative energy pulling events to manifest and validate how they really and truly feel. Life can be many things for different people and how one defines what that is, will be their own awareness or their journey to find it in their own experience. For me, its about life management. I may possess the ability to forgive and move on with out holding a grudge with time, but I still remember how it made me feel. Remembering what someone has done to you keeps you experiencing the hardship of that moment which I do not care to revisit, but in order for me to move on and not look back one must stay focused on the positive by actively choosing to think on words or affirmations that uplift and encourage and daily prayer is a positive tool.

Prayer has helped me so much in blocking the negative things that can enter into ones mind while trying to get through with life’s daily situations. We are bombarded with so many images by the second that we have to sift through and dump the mental garbage consistently in order to replenish our minds with more of what we do want to see happened in life. I read some where that said if your going through hell, don’t stop just keep going because God can’t help clogged negative mind. Even the bible says “Peace I leave with you not as the world giveth, but as I giveth”. We have to hold our peace so we can have a clear understanding of Gods direction and trust me he will show us how to build a bridge and work with us to “get over it”!

Take A Bow!

2010-10-13T00:39:00.001-07:00

Can’t listen to the voice that says the opposite of what you know to be true, you say “your God” will do this and your God will do that as if you are the only heir to the throne. You speak of falsehood one lie after another. Your pain is so apparent as you look to place blame on everybody but self. Do you see how your actions brings forth reaction of your unkind words you spoke awakened daily to your own misery, 1 actor in a 1 woman show playing the role victim but only a few to see you take a bow because the ones you had in the front row no longer likes your performance. All I can say is “I know you’re an actress but you gone to far”!…

Sex For Nothing Is Ignorant!

2010-10-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sex for nothing is just plain ignorant especially when single. In these modern times people are no longer wanting relationships for whatever reason. It seems as though more women and men are opting out of being held responsible and accountable to catering to each other needs. Regardless of who is right or wrong, the question I ask is how is it working for you?

The reason why I ask this question because I see more chaos in the cause and effect of babies being born to single parents, increase in Aids and other diseases, people in court for property damages, lost wages, defamation of character and the list can go on and usally these are people who are engaged in "Microwaveable Relationships" who have no respect for themselves let alone respect for the person who they are in a relationship with. In a recent conversation I had with an attractive man who I have dated a few times asked me to come over and my response was I would rather go out. He basically wanted sex and declined asking me out again, he felt as though 2 dates was enough and equal sex. Well dear you are fine, but not that fine to where i'm going to devalue myself and sleep with you just because we went out twice. If you are a single woman and you put up with this behavior then you are an enabler, you are the reason why some men not all men are becoming so lazy when it comes to courting a women. I don't care if he calls you a gold digger or any other name. Why let a man use your body and waste your time if you want more from him? I know every women is different and some women are addicted to sex and maybe like the status of being a "ho", but alteast you are getting paid for it. I'm speaking to the women who end up feeling broken, used, rejected and misled "The Morning after".

If a man of interest is sleeping in your bed or you in his what is the payoff? How is it working for you? Does he respect you? Does he have plans on marrying you in the near future? I'm not speaking to MS Independent "I Don't need a Man" kind of women, im speaking to the ones who still believe in "A Women's worth". I don't know about you, but credibility is everything and if you choose to sleep with a man like you are working for a non-profit organization dumping on you whenever he feel like then as long as you are happy then you deserve what you get until you feel you deserve BETTER! Get some self esteem!

It is only my opinion that a women should date a man of Integrity,noble character, one who respects her and wants to encourage her to be a lady by cherishing what she represents, her essences, her beauty, her feminine qualities and all that she has to offer. A man should be able to provide, protect and care for her needs and in return she will do the same, its about "Fair exchanges No Robbery". No grown ass man should be able to come up in your house,sleep in you bed and screw you silly with nothing to offer as a man. I'm not saying he has to be rich and always spend money, but he better damn well know how to bring something to the table if he wants to eat.

So many women play themselves by selling themselves short and only end up bitter and resentful hating all men because you allowed yourself to be played, hell if i was a man and could get sex all day long without obligations or responsibilty i would too! But to me, i want more out of a man than what is in his pants or his pockets. I want time, I want his heart,his friendship and I want him to love me in return and if I never get it, i damn sure wont fall in line with the majority of what is going on today. Sex for nothing is ignorant!

No Women No TRUST!

2010-10-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

In my conversations with God, I find myself asking why is it that women are so jealous of one another? Why is it so hard for us to be a team player or even trust each other? Is it because of men, or money or is it because of envy, videos images of what beauty is in the media, magazine etc? In my opinion it seems like all of the above. With me being the only girl in the family I always wanted a sister, a close bond with a female who I felt I could share all my secrets with or share funny or embarrassing moments that I felt like I couldn’t share with just anyone. I always wanted a best friend who supported me and had my back which seems so hard to find. I often heard people say if you have only one good friend then consider yourself blessed. I have a few good friends that I can depend on but nobody close in the city where I live where I could call up and hang out with. My very close and dear friend lives in New Jersey, but I often wonder if she lived near by and we spent a lot of time with one another, would we still be “Best Friends”?

What is it in our DNA that makes us resent each other so much before really seeking the truth and simply working out what ever problems there are with compassion, understanding and forgiveness? Is it the assumption that another woman will eventually take our man , or is it because she gets a lot of attention that men adore her and desire her more that we don‘t want to have her around a potential boyfriend? Is it because she is well educated, have the fancy clothes, car and jewelry or is she so creative that people look up to her and admire her like a beautiful goddess? For whatever reason it is to our demise that men have the upper hand on relationships playing women against each other based on fears and insecurities because men know that women do not TRUST EACH OTHER. Its plain to see that when a man gets caught cheating on his wife or girlfriend, the one who is being deceived goes after the innocent women who knows nothing about her at all and have no reason to cause the women or wife harm in some or most situations. The jealousy and rage gets into them so deeply that all they see is vengeance, but not on the man, on the woman. Its almost as if the man is at no fault and gets a free pass, but the women is cast into the sea of the Abyss And there are other cases where women go after other women’s spouses or boyfriends on purpose seeking revenge on other women who wasn’t involved with the deception she felt she encountered from her past. What goes through a woman’s mind that irritates or agitate her so much to drive them to becoming so vindictive that they are hurtful, rude, condescending, deceptive, vicious, gossiping and uptight. Not all women possess these characters or do we? Maybe it’s a part of our make up and its lying dormant until the desire of it arises or awaken within us. For whatever reason I can’t say that I understand, but because of my personal relationship with God I know the devil is a lie and what a terrible life to live in bondage, being afraid of rejection or not being accepted or loved that you have to live a life filled with hate, jealousy or envy that you spend your days filled with misery seeking your victims to destroy. Its almost like that movie called “Single White Female” where she rented her room to a young unassuming woman who later tried to become her by taking on her identity and attempting to destroy her life. All I could think of is what would I do if that happened to me? Hmm.. Well I guess this is something that will never end, it’s a part of life and people are crazy especially women. Men can fight it out and go back to being cool, but women, oh hell no! We will fight and try to kill you and hold a grudge for a life time. I love my friends and I thank God for each and everyone of them but for the ones who try to sabotage your hopes and your dreams. Watch out for the ones who tries to steal your ideas and backstab you, BEWARE of the vicious Cat that scratch.. NO women NO TRUST!

Falling for the status or the label of FAKE COMMITMENT

2010-10-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

What the hell is a boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean can someone really tell me because it seems as though this was created so people didn’t have to make a decisions about really committing to someone and being obligated or responsible to another person…Hmmmmmm clever and for many years this worked for me. I fell into the B. S. of the promise to be truthful, honest and be monogamous until possible engagement and when these promises where broken who ever was the dominant one got off Scott free without no repercussions of their actions and the recessive one left broken to pick up the pieces of what was shattered and recover what’s lost.

I understand that nothing in life is guaranteed and things can happen in a marriage that can happen outside of marriage, but in a marriage there is a lot more to gain and lose and the wise think before making a dumb decision, the ignorant just keep on doing the same thing over and over again thinking that he/she will end up with a different outcome. Insanity is what they call it. But when it comes to choices based on past experiences I should have been a lot more advanced in life than I am now. I have wasted precious times in having boyfriends that led nowhere but separated, confused and starting all over again. What the hell? Did I just get played? Hmmmm I had just become aware that I was played for instant gratification and for my time that could have been spent on self preservation and process improvement of my own life. When dating, a person can do fun things like parks, museums and quality time, edifying the relationship without sex if their intentions are pure and you really want to get to know someone because you respect and admire them. To feel or be attracted to someone sexually is natural, but one must have some type of discipline in order to have discernment on who you decide to give your heart to.

I have finally come to the conclusion and it is my opinion based on my experience that there is no true commitment outside of marriage. You can have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and decide to be monogamous which at some point or another if the relationship doesn’t work then when one gets tired he/she can bounce on a “selfish note”. Well I’m worth more than having a status of somebody’s girlfriend or jump off. I would much rather have the status of being somebody’s wife than a girlfriend. The Girlfriend Boyfriend status to me are not worth the energy, the time and all the emotions that comes along with the drama in false relationships. If I’m going to go thru the motions of B.S. then I’m going to get married and be under God’s anointing where the bed is not defiled. Too much time wasted on relationships going no where and time waits for no one. No, I don’t feel my time clock is ticking I’ve been married, divorced and I have a child so my reasons for holding out on waiting for the right guy has nothing to do with my age for God has blessed me with looking young. People can assume what they want, frankly I don’t give a damn what anybody thinks its not about what anybody thinks, its about my self worth. I feel I deserve God’s best.

So I will go on dates and have fun with guys as friends until I meet the unassuming one who recognize and can appreciate what I have to offer as a woman and what I bring to the table as a help mate. As long as some of you act as a jump off that’s all you will ever be, but if you choose to be a girlfriend without the ring then at least be wise about it……….Even hookers are smart at least they get paid to be used as a “jump off”.

Insecure women + Too easy = A Big Hot Mess!..

2010-10-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

What were you thinking? That she is easy? What clues about her confirmed what you thought in the first place based on how she carried herself was true? As you approached the situation, was your plan to get in and get out quickly? You thought that since she carried herself in a way that was so inviting to you that you didn’t think about the pros & the cons of the outcome and now you want to say she‘s a (Drama Queen), stalker or just plain ole crazy because after you had satisfied your temporary need for instant gratification you no longer are interested and want out. Well my dear its your fault because something that’s so easy to achieve usually is too good to be true. Something worth having, is something to be appreciated when you have worked hard to get it. Too many men waste time on women who they know are only good for one thing because these certain kind of “low hanging fruit” type of women have not become aware of their own issues nor have they recognized their self worth therefore searching for love outside of themselves only to find out later on that they got played and was only needed for sex or material gain.

Men who date insecure women are wimps, they fear rejection and punk out on seeking after women who know the true meaning of responsibility because they themselves are insecure after being hurt and place blame on every other woman they come across instead of taking the time to edify the relationship long enough to decide if this woman is right for them. Insecure men try to play on the emotions of insecure women keeping them ignorant from the truth that a man should be the provider and the protector and default on their own obligation of assuming accountability of being honest from the start. Well you can’t get mad if you end up with a crazy stalker, or “baby mama drama” and you can’t place blame on every women based on your experience after dealing with a insecure woman who had a nice booty… If you are not going to be truthful at least be prepared to reap what you sew…….. A Big Hot Mess!.. Look deep before you leap! Don’t blame all women because your too lazy to put in work for a woman of class and would much rather settle for trash…………..

Distraction

2010-09-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

In the weakness of the flesh, you want it all the time, but something in the back of your mind draws a line of caution and says do not enter here. You have been there before and is full aware of the pleasure you desire from its affiliation but the consequences of the action is no longer beneficial or worth the risk and liability. You waver back and forth, straddle the fence in your own lust and strongholds of the past which makes you think maybe one more time, take one for the road, but something this time is stronger than before. Is it the knowledge of experience? Or the faith of what you believe to be true? How can you even have faith if you have never been tested and have made a mistake only to try again and fall down enough times that you are led into another direction? Experience is a teacher of discernment. If you have never been tested or never been through anything your class is in session but your either absent or not paying attention. So many things can be avoided if we maintain control under pressure. When your heart is affected with discouragement and your heart is not content then the weapons of warfare will be disable for your defense. No peace no power! You give the enemy easy access to your mind which he can invade your peace and destroy God’s purpose by distracting you. Your heart is very critical for your success therefore must be guarded at all times. The condition of your heart determines the manifestation of your actions and the trick of the enemy is to delay the good things . If the enemy can trick you by attacking your weakness then you will miss out on your purpose or opportunities for your breakthrough. The enemy can not discourage you without your participation for the devil knows what you like. But God has a plan…….

2 Corinthians 12:9 says Gods grace is sufficient against any danger and enables me to bear trouble manfully for Gods strength is made perfect and show themselves most effective in weakness. Therefore I will all the more gladly glory in my weakness and my infirmities that the strength and power of Christ may rest upon me.

An Open Heart...

2010-08-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

It can take a while to learn about self and the condition of the heart that it's in "open or closed"?. And in this learning process I have realize the importance of "guarding the affections of one's heart". The heart is so delicate, it is essential to ones life for without its rhythm and blood flow one will not live. But when I think about heartache and the causes of its brokenness I am aware that when our heart is broken, our heart is in stagnant mode, unable to see truth and peace is not present because the sadness and the fear has consumed the heart keeper and is in a state of emotional unavailability which can be detrimental if not addressed properly or has not recognized the need for attention. In order for one to remain open awaiting direction because when the heart is calm peace is its reward. Like I have read once before and have experience its truth no peace no power!

When you have peace in your life, it is not very difficult to stand from a position of non judgment. You can look at a person and love them and accept them because you have not sacraficed self. There is no crime in this selfish approach. For when you put your heart on the line there is a risk involved. Although nothing in life is guaranteed, one must be wise in its selection of choices. We make bad decisions and suffer through the consequences only to spend a great deal of time in bondage and this bondage is not conducive to growth and moving to the next level of learning and understanding if your heart is closed. At this stage your heart is now hardened and God can not use you..

One day while in bible study I heard a preacher say "stand up in love" because this way you can stand from a position of discernment and know when to walk away. Most people will not get it and will have to suffer a lot because of the need to look for love "outside" of themselves but when you realize that the love within should be protected, you see the importance of not giving everyone a "front row seat in your life" Its not that a person isn't worthy, its just that what you have to offer at this time will not be appreciated by your observation with discernment, So the best way you can preserve self and always be ready to bless and love unconditonally is if you are at "peace". You don't blame people anymore because you now are condemning the behavior and not the person. You also realize that the control over self that you possess is only over your own abilities and obligation to self not anybody else's. Its only natural to want love and to give love, but there are rules that we must live by and consquences of our actions when we do not abide. Even in the bible it states "My sheep will hear my voice", but when we are broken, we will not be able to hear until we are at peace. And how can we have peace when you live life in an unforgiving way? It is everyone's right to protect and preserve that is the secret to a great life. When your heart is open and you stand from a position of observation with discernment you can make better decision when it comes to "Guarding your heart".

When communication is a problem...

2010-08-18T11:17:00.001-07:00

Or lack there of… I find it very frustrating when my feelings aren’t addressed. I’m not saying as if it is your fault, to why I feel this way, but there is a definite relation to actions that have taken place that has put me in a position to feel the way I do and I would like my feelings to be address immediately.

Why is it when communication takes place, the first position is “defense”?? Why can’t there be understanding and listening without being defensive? If your actions (indirectly) caused one grief and you are not aware, why are excuses needed? I find it funny that some people will drive around the whole reason of why they couldn’t keep a promise or their failure to communicate which will eventually only end up apologizing once they have arrived to the destination of “No excuse is good enough”, but by then.. Its too late! No apology is needed because now the wounded one has concluded that its useless and usually throws in the towel named “frustration”. Most people don’t like confrontation and will often shut down when frustrated because they are not being heard, understood and validated. Excuses unless a real good excuse like sickness or death are not really necessary. Excuses say, I hear you, but your not important enough, excuses say yeah I know, but whatever. Excuses are very condescending and leaves one feeling rejected and devalued.

Some people know they are shady ,selfish and sometimes dishonest they make excuses because they don’t want to seem like the bad guy, they always want to be seen in the light, but live in the darkness of common courtesy , respect and true character. They think that everybody else has a problem except themselves and act as the light bearer of truth, but haven’t totally been lifted out of their own drama of the past. They may apologize out of appeasing ones feelings to avoid an argument or being accused of wrong doing when they can simply say “I’m sorry”. Well maybe they are not sorry, but one may want to take a closer look at who you call your lover or friend because people will show you what you mean to them with how they treat you!

We all know that life takes place and things will happen where we prioritize when we feel the need to do so. We all go through circumstances and have crosses to bear, but there is enough time in a day that no matter what unless sickness or death you can communicate and let someone know what is going on so they don’t assume or speculate based on “unpredictable behavior”. Not only is communication key, but effective communication says “How you feel is important to me”. When a person is understanding and has compassion, it frees the wounded recessive one and creates trust which allows that dominant one “freedom”. it’s the process of giving and taking. The one with excuses is the taker, they take for granted that the recessive one will remain recessive so they feel no obligation or urgency to be attentive or emotionally available or aware of the need…

The War Zone- Blame Game

2010-08-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

Battle of the SEXES!! Everybody is blaming each other in "who's fault is it?".. Men blaming women, women blaming men and nobody is taking responsibility for their own problems for what is wrong with them and why they can't have a successful relationship. When you watch TV, Music shows, Sitcoms, Media gossip everybody is cheating on everybody and people marry and divorce daily and its women and men. Its a "people problem" and the main issue is plain old "selfish behavior". But if you see that there is a pattern in how you date and your end result is chaos, then it should encourage you have enough common sense to change the way you think and change your bad habits that is creating these relationship issues.. One can not blame anybody but themselves for why they have a hard time finding love.. Maybe one should put that same energy that they use in searching for love, in themselves like preparing for love. Get your head right, make sure your emotionally stable, honest and ready for true commitment. Because if your looking for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect then go back to the drawing board and think up another plan because "Rumor has it"... Nobody is perfect! Be that person first which you are seeking. So many people have a certain list for what they want in a partner or spouse and yes you can have it all, but be honest with yourself and take a good look in the mirror because "Do you have it all together? Like they say "You attract who you are". Its really funny that what we can't stand in other people we fail to recognize in ourselves..........

Tyra

When you are not ready

2010-08-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

I can remember in my younger years of experiencing arguments, and feeling hurt rejected and devalued due to betrayal or deception. For whatever reason why I felt the way I did, it was the worst feeling that i wouldn't even wish on my most hated enemy. Nobody should experience a broken heart which leaves you feeling so hurt that you can barely breathe, but some how I got through.

When you have been through hard times and you have no understanding of how to heal or get through, you suffer and how you suffer is a self learned process. With no support or guidance one can make the same mistakes over and over again causing added issues to an already open wound. Deception inspires guilt, shame and insecurity. It takes a long time to recover and put yourself in a position to be hurt again. We all know that once the trust has been destroyed, its gone forever a person's heart, mind and soul has now been changed. But what some people do is function in a way that they are not being "true to themselves". They stay in bad relationships based on fear of starting over or not wanting to be alone and regardless "you create what you fear".

It takes alot of courage and alot of reflecting on YOU to realize your worth and the value of the experience. One must no longer fear being alone because alone time is required in order for healing to take place. It can take up to 10 years before you forget the hurt from a sudden break up or the loss of a loved one, but you can't subsitute loneliness for instant gratification or find a temporary solution to difficult problem and experience peace. Sometimes you may never forget, but you have to learn how to manage your life and emotions with prayer, activities and time. This is where patience is learned and the healing can begin. Its not until you are aware of your own needs that you can begin to be true to yourself and be alone for awhile until you are really ready to love again because you will only repeat the same mistakes over and over again "When your not ready"...

Tyra Jackson

Better not Bitter

2010-08-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

There is a misconception about women who have a high level of self esteem and self respect that we are bitter and hate men. Well let me tell you a thing or two, "Don't get it twisted"!! Women who value themselves believe that we deserve the best in life that life has to offer. We don't have to settle for instant gratification because we know our worth. We are not bitter because we refuse to belittle ourselves with having sex without love and monogamy. We preserve ourselves because we dont allow men to use and abuse us only to make situations worse and add unnecessary baggage to our lives that we will spend a lifetime trying to overcome. Self preservation is so important to a womans emotional well being.It's my opinion that more women should focus more on "Self love" than love built on conditions. If you don't love yourself, you can't love anybody else. Love is not fear, and love doesn't leave you feeling rejected and deprived. Women without "Self love" are bitter because they continue to make the same mistake over and over again devaluing themselves by exchanging sex for attention or temporary fulfillment. Women can act like men all you want, but you will never be a man no matter how hard you try. Women were not designed that way. We were created for man, but not for abuse. We were created to help man and be his support and encourage him to be a better person. But if certain women live their lives in default by settling for liars, cheats and abusers you will never come to know Gods blessings that are waiting for us to claim.

So if you are one of these women who allow men to use you or you are addicted to bad relationships, I challenge you to seek CHANGE and experience a new kind of love. Love that is rewarding and accepting. Love that gives back something you can believe in.. And that kind of love is not man made, its made by God! Drawing closer to God will give you a level of confidence, change, renewing of the mind which will lead to forgiveness leading to being able to let go.. God will give you "beauty for ashes" and comfort. God will show you all your faults and show you his mercy and love something that man can not offer. Allow God to get rid of your past and mend your broken heart so he can give you a new one. If your damaged goods, all you will attract is damage goods, but with God he will definitely make you better not bitter.

One to grow on
T.Jackson

Protecting Whats Good

2010-08-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

Relationships were much easier as a kid, all I had to do was check the box that said yes if i like him or not, we were not afraid of love back then. I can remember getting butterflies in my stomach and anticipating the time spent in puppy love,staying on the phone while my mom was interupting with a "emergency break through" because we didn't have call waiting in the 80's..LOL!.. Moving up to moderned times things have changed tremedously. Now its about sex craved individuals who no longer care about obligation and responsibility. Its about instant gratification and just plain old hidden agendas. It seems like those who still hold out for love must protect whats good when it comes to matters of the heart. Society seems to encourage infidelity more than diginity and self respect. I fear for society in the near future because we are creating our own monsters and will have to pay for it in the long run. I find myself changing my ways of thinking from looking for love to focusing more on self improvement. Bad relationships can keep you from progressing and experiencing all that life has to offer. Staying in relationships because one fears being alone can encourage missing out on your blessings. As time goes by life gets shorter and as i get older I realize now is the time to get it right. How many more times does one need to be with the wrong person to actually get the courage to leave and empty out the trash that has piled up in one's head about love? Isn't it possible that there are people out there who may feel the same way that you do and may have hope to find that "true love" still exist and that God is making a way out of the impossible for us to meet? Our faith and our prayers should lead us into being so connected to God that he shapes our ways of thinking, and change us so we can heal and be all that we were called to be, but if we keep what we think is good because we fear change, we will never come to know and experience what God has in store for us and what God has for us is so much better. We must protect what is good which is our heart so that it doesnt get destroyed and closed off from God. God can't speak to us when we are filled with misery and confusion. Without peace we have no power!

So many people hate being alone and will substitute loneliness with temporary things that will eventually lead them into frustration. Its not until we step out of the box and take a chance on self love which requires "alone time" finding out who we are and learning from our mistakes by changing our thought process from settling to I deserve something better while protecting whats good which is our heart...

The Street Therapist
Vintage Sage

Chivalry Isn't Dead or Forgotten

2010-05-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

Chivalry isn’t dead or forgotten, it isn’t being practiced because its not appreciated.

Just when I think that chivalry is dead someone shows me different… He gave me a napkin, he pulled out my chair and didn’t even know my name.. God blessed that brother!.. Women we set the pace for relationships and how you start that relationship is crucial but first before you even begin to set your mind on a man do you know self well enough to know what you really want? The reason why I present this question is because as easy as it may sound this question is not easy to answer.

Because of our past and how we were raised has a lot to do with how we perceive commitment. We must not allow our past to define us. If our fathers haven’t been in our lives and we have suffered a lot of pain, rejection and betrayal, we must recognize how this tragedy can damage potential relationships in our future. Do we give in to the pressures of society’s point of view when it comes to the “New Era” dating scene that says “Sex on the first night is okay” or that cheating is acceptable? Or even to think that dancing or dressing like a stripper screams “Self Respect”. We can’t be too upset about how men are looking at relationships these days because WOMEN we are a part of this problem. We allow men to mistreat us, we don’t hold them accountable for their lack of common courtesy , respect or integrity. What is the “Pay off”? Do we just continue to keep sleeping with men who don’t honor God and his word? Well who is to blame? Ladies it starts with self, what you put up with is what you will get and you get just what you deserve until you act like you deserve better. Let a man be a man and open your doors, pull out your chairs, wash you cars. There is nothing wrong with being a “Do it all” kind of women, but is this necessary? When you can have a man that doesn’t have a problem and doing the most for the women who respects herself enough to allow a man to be a man. If women where made for men, we need to be more focused on taking care of God’s creation with self preservation not desperation. Men appreciate more in what they have to work for if you make it easy for them and you don’t require respect then you are part of the problem and not the solution. I would much rather be successful and by myself than put up with a man who doesn’t love and respect me let alone doesn’t understand how to be committed to the commitment……….Chivalry isn’t dead or forgotten, it isn’t being practiced because its not expected or appreciated.

Recognizing the counterfeit

2010-05-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

………..

Words are powerful they have meaning which inspires our emotions that drives us to our destiny by what we choose to believe and act upon. I can only speak for myself and share my experiences.. When I came to love me, I treated myself according to what I grew to love which was “everything that God given me”. What a hard task when we live in a judgmental world that separates us by what we look like, what we own and who we know. As far as relationships so many people especially women fall in love with what we hear and not what we believe or see to be true. Some men have learned how to play upon a woman’s natural emotion to want and receive love that they manipulate us into believing that they really love us and we embrace being put upon a pedal stool so much that we fall for and rest upon the words of the male ego. We then become disappointed when words and actions do not coincide or line up with each other, we hear excuses after excuses of why they can’t keep their promises and become the victim of deception. Women must learn to “Believe half of what you hear and most of what you see because more than likely, you will run across more counterfeit people than straight up folks and we must understand that we don’t control anyone but ourselves. See the best in yourself before you see the best in someone else because you can’t give what you do not have. Anybody can promise you the moon and the stars, but only God is not a man who shall lie and his word does not return void but where there is charm lies deceit. Women must learn discernment so we don’t allow ourselves to be a victim of a damsel in distress. Believe in yourself and your healing will begin………..

2010-05-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

There is no question in my mind with what I see today in the streets, in the clubs and even on the most popular dating sites that there is a change in the way we see relationships today. My question is “Have we given up on holding out for “TRUE LOVE”????

It seems like women don’t care about their bodies and men don’t value womanhood and we collectively are not loving each other or even respecting each other anymore.. All I can say is where is the love?.. Even on the radio I hear all kinds of songs that make women out to be sexual objects of instant gratification and that just makes me want to buy a pet instead of hoping to find or wait for the “Love of my life”.. I refuse to settle. I believe that women are beautiful and were made for man, we hold the power to change life, but we are so desperate for the love of a man instead of the love of God that we are blinded by fear. Some of us appear to be so desperate for a man that we don’t hold them accountable for their actions, we don’t hold them responsible to us for anything, so why would a man feel obligated to commit if he doesn’t have to ????

I don’t know about you, but I can’t be a part of this problem. I can’t put down my heart and allow it to be used, abused, taken for granted and rejected over and over again adding to issues already that we will spend a life time managing. Women must come back to a place of “Self preservation” when we realize that “WE are WORTH being PURSUED” things will change for us, but until then if you settle, you deserve what you get until you feel you deserve better!

　

God Bless!

Love you first!

Let go so you can grow!

ahDICKtED

2010-02-19T09:22:00.000-08:00

Afraid to leave because he's got control over your every move. You dance to the beat of his drum as your life is built around his. You think he is God's gift based on his words, but you're constantly disappointed because the promises are not kept. You stay hooked on hope and stuck on stupid awaiting the day that he professes his love with actions, but when you least expect it the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. He says "You can go, but you never find another who will love you like i do" and truth says: If this is all you got i hope your right! But you cleave to the lie that its gonna get better with time . His love is only instant gratification for his temporary selfish needs and your love is loyalty I say who got the better end of the deal?

Being addicted to sex is not "love". Most people stay in unhealthy relationships based on how many orgasms one may give. Although the flesh is weak a wise woman or man should be focused on feeding the spirit. Its the sin within us that keeps us a slave to what we give in to. Romans 7:15 says I do not understand what i do for what i want to do, i do not do but what i hate to do. And if i do what i do not want to do, I agree that the law i good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it , but it is the sin living in me.

If one can take sex out of a relationship, what does one have left? Most people stay in relationships and tolerate a lot of problems because the sex is great. Staying in relationships based sexual performance especially for a woman can attack her self esteem and make her feel devalued and unappreciated over time. We all have heard and seen it on talk shows how men and women relate to sex differently. I understand that nobody is perfect and we all make bad choices at one time or another, but where do we draw the line? Sex manipulation has a strong hold over the weak and can become easily hunted and preyed upon if you are not aware of it power. For women i suggest you learn how to stand up in love and use good judgment so you can discern when its time to say enough already!

Trial & Error

2010-02-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

Love is many things, but as I explore new relationships i can't help but think about past relationships and the mistakes i have made based on poor choices and alot of "trial and error". Sometimes i wonder is there a right and a wrong way? If life has no guarantees and if God rains on the just and the unjust how can we win @ Love? Everyone wants love and I have never met one single person that really wants to grow old by themselves, but as life goes on, one gets older and negative thoughts of desperation enters your mind which doesnt looks promising. Do we settle for the subsitute of what we feel might never come? No. Life is too short to live in default and God says we can have the desires of our hearts if we delight ourselves in him. I do believe in the word of God and I know his word is true, but sometimes I want what i want when i want it. I think we have options and choices, i dont believe in "Soul Mates" I believe we have the freedom to choose, but the wise chooses His will (God). We make mistakes that we should learn from, but i guess once we get over the hurt and betrayal from our past, we forget the lesson and think we can move forward with the same intention in mind thinking we are going to experience a different result. As i search and continue explore relationships with a different mindset i begin to see different results ending in different experiences which create a feeling leaving me open to change. The change is "No Expectation" When you have no expectations you keep your options open to "Trial and Error" without condeming oneself. You understand that people are people and they will make mistakes and you have to allow them to be free and when you do this you free yourself. You can't control, and manipulate situations for too long before it backfires leaving you stagnant and confused. You must enter relationships with a new perspective that you are aware of who you are and what you want and manage your emotions. You must stand up in your thinking that although things may be great, things could go wrong. Its all about knowing your limits and setting boundaries that create peace and when you do this you can do learn how to protect yourself from shame and guilt because nobody is perfect.

Self Esteem

2010-02-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

Fair Exchanges No Robbery

2010-02-11T01:41:00.000-08:00

I hear so many men complain, put down and disrespect women and refer to women as "Gold Diggers" well how did they get that way? When it comes to a woman, she has been around the block enough to "know da game" and after a few broken hearts or maybe even emotional, sexual or even physical abuse which leads them to believe that MONEY mine as well be a substitute for the love they feel they are never gonna get. Men feel powerful when they have lucrative careers and they flaunt their money, cars and their bling because I guess thats what defines them. Well if thats how you attract women then thats how you are going to have to keep them interested and that is with your money. Women don't feel cherished, we dont feel respected or even valued by the men who claim they love us. We want to love you and need you, but we feel that we must get your attention somehow because we want you to desire us, but when what we give is not reciprocated then you have created a MONSTER. It boils down to this "Fair exchanges no robbery. You want sex and sex is the only thing that is desired from us initially. Its powerful! One of the most lucrative industries is the Porn Industry. Hookers, Call girls and strippers are all in business because men pay money for services rendered. Men no longer want to be the bread winners, they no longer want to open doors or even pay for the date, but they want sex upfront and right away. Women have only become the object of a man erection and not his affection and women already feel this so they are only doing the best they can when it come to dealing with rejection. We know you want sex so in return we want payment. We want payment for neglect, betrayal, lack of common courtesy and future B.S. that we may have to encounter for just dealing with you. Not all men, just the angry one's who display their representative to a woman and then after he gets tired of pretending he wants to present his real self and expect the woman to just roll with it. How can you be mad at the woman when you have misrepresented yourself? What i'm trying to say is behind every gold diggin drama filled lying sneaky woman is a no good lying cheating man who has made her that way. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. Like the old saying goes treat people the way you want to be treated. You don't want classy women because you dont want to work hard for quality so you deal with quantity and you deserve what you get until you feel you deserve better!

The Ulterior Motive

2010-02-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

Is she/he really interested in the relationship or instant gratification? Whats the motivation i often wonder when you initially meet someone for the first time? It could be that they are genuinely interested and want to get to know you, but on the other hand some people have an Ulterior motive. I'm not saying that you should walk around in distrust, i'm just saying that one should really take their time in getting to know who they are dating. We sometimes get so caught up in appearances that we over look or put up with issues concerning the relationship just because someone is fine, has a nice body or has fat pockets. Truth is you can't be angry when your motive is not because you like the person, but you want something from the person other than honest, true friendship and you end up in a whole bunch of mess that you have to find a way to get out of. With men it could be sex and for women it could be money, but which ever your alterior motive is be prepared for consequences of ones actions. In my opinion nothing can come out of being deceitful except trouble. So take your time to get to know who you are dating and if their character is of pure quality before you decide that you like or love them because whats done in the dark will eventually come to light and when the lights come on i hope you will be well prepared to accept resposibility for your actions.

Ive Been There and Done That!

2010-02-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

They say if you dont know where you have been, you will have a very difficult time in finding out where you are going. Well when it comes to relationships i will say yes. I have had many failed relationships that has left me in questioned to "what was i doing wrong?"I spent most of my life focusing on what i can do to make someone love me enough to earn loyalty, trust and acceptance. I had no idea that what i would find out later would send me on a self journey to a new way of thinking. How could i possibly love someone else without finding out what love for myself was. I have made so many errors in judgement that i realized i was becoming discouraged and depressed because I would allow other peoples ways of life or attitudes detour my thinking, I also became complacent and have settle for less because I didn't believe that i could do better (false thinking).. This pain that i felt attacked my self esteem for many years until I got tired of being tired. I knew there was something better out there for me. It wasnt until i came to know "Gods Love" that my true journey began. When I have decided in my heart and soul that i was going to be obedient to the "Will of God for my life" my rose colored glasses came off. I began to see that i was not the only one who did not realize the love within, at this point in my life, I didnt know where to start, but i felt led spiritually. I was led to books of self esteem and positive self talk and started to become aware of where i have sabatoged my own life. The bible tell us "As a man thinketh so is he". There is so much power in thought and words that I had to be mindful of what i was saying based on my experience. Although my past had set the precedence on my belief system, it wasn't the final destination. God created in me a new spirit which meant "New Way of Thinking. I had to search for things that were positive and eliminate situations and circumstances that did not create peace. The most important change that i had made in my life and came to understand is that you can't change people, you can't make the love you, respect you or even be truthful, but you can change how you respond and think which speaks volume. So in my mind, if i can't change people, how do i protect myself from emotional abusers who want to drain you of your energy for their selfish needs? I had to learn how to guard the affections of my heart and set healthy boundaries until the true identity and agenda were revealed. Another important thing i learned in life is that "everyone does not deserve a front row seat in your life"! I had to learn the hard way that nobody can love you like you can love yourself. I had to be good to "me", i had to take a good look in the mirror and accept everything about me because I was born this way, i had to celebrate my happiness and my peace of mind one step at a time and once i learned how to be happy by myself and learn how preserve my essence, i began to see "True Self" and from that i learned who i was and what i needed from other people. I took the time out to get to know men and if they could give me what i felt i needed from them and if they couldn't, i didn't self sacrafice i simply let them go!